How do I feel?

I feel nervous.

I feel lost.

I feel alone.

I feel like I have sought my identity in others for far too long.

I feel desperate.

I feel wicked.

I feel unholy.

I feel unprepared.

I feel like I am ready to be with Him.

I feel as if I know nothing.

I feel defeated.

I feel as if i cannot make a difference in this corrupt world.

I feel like I won't know what to say. 

I feel like I don't have enough room in my backpack for all I "need"

I feel sick thinking about the past.

I feel unworthy of his love. 

I feel overwhelmed by his overpowering love.

I feel out of control.

Cool, right? He immediately brought me to tears and shot down those lies. Not only that, but replaced them with truth. Lets try this again.

I feel nervous. Get excited.

I feel lost. You are found.

I feel alone. I am right here. 

I feel like I have sought my identity in others for far too long. Your only identity is in me.

I feel desperate. Rest in me.

I feel wicked. You are righteous.

I feel unworthy. You are redeemed.

I feel unprepared. You are ready.

I feel like I am ready to be with Him in his Kingdom. Bring my Kingdom to earth.

I feel like I know nothing. Thats okay. 

I feel defeated. I am fighting for you.

I feel as if i cannot make a difference in this corrupt world. Just go. 

I feel like I won't know what to say. I will give you exactly what to say. 

I feel like I don't have enough room in my backpack for all I "need." Drop all you have and follow me.

I feel sick thinking about the past. It is as far as the east is from the west.

I feel unworthy of his grace. Get over it.

I feel overwhelmed by his overpowering love. Spread it.

I feel out of control. Finally.

Loosing my grandpa at the end of February was the hardest thing I have experienced. I haven't gone a whole day without sobbing yet and who knows when that will end. He is in the presence of the Lord. His pain is gone. He's completely healed. For all of that I am so so thankful. Does that mean it doesn't still hurt like hell? No. But I have hope. I have so much to thank my grandpa for. He is a huge part of who I am today.

I'm going back to south Asia in August. My time there isn't finished. I am confident in whatever reason the Lord dropped me off, brought me back and is putting me back on a plane there. I don't understand it but I don't think I'm supposed to. 

I'm ready. Let's go.